I have done something wrong.. I get it.. I know it seems like that lies never correct an issue. That is not even an argument to think about, but when you are scared... You tend to hide.. You tend to escape.. Especially when you are dealing with pain.. Pain as it is, is always unwanted. And for that... I justify the lie that I did.


I lie.. I hide.. I clandestinely plan to escape pain.. The pain of being rejected. I am always having that kind of hurt. I should have been numb with the stimulus of it. But you cannot teach an old dog new tricks. I am not good at lying... I am not good expressing myself...
I know lying to you... will just make things worst.. But i swear I tried to be honest.. I tried to be strong. But I cannot simply let one reason for you to hate me... To reject me.. I cannot think about of anything else but to lie. I am just a person.. I am not perfect... My mind is not as broad as you think.. I can only think of an easy way.. and that is to lie.. I kept repeating myself.. To let you know.. that I am aware of my actions.. That I do take responsibilty. there is vaugeness in the things that I am saying right now. I cannot make it more specific.. in detail... Because you cannot distinguish pain in such precise manner.. It will be just there.. Like a lurking shadow on a dim lit room.


I am losing words now... I am running out of thoughts.. My mind is clouded and all I wish for is happiness. But I guess.. my feet is not that fast to chase it...