i am drinking coffee during this hot weather. no, i am not really a coffee drinker, it's just that i feel so sleepy and i need something to perk me up. the hot cup is a reminder that i can still feel after all.

i had been going on a roller coaster ride for the past weeks. some days would see me on top of things... i don't blame anyone for being in this mess. i own up to my mistakes - part of growing up is to be able to accept that one is flawed and therefore prone to mistakes. i don't blame the circumstances - i believe we make our own destinies and we are responsible for who we are and what we become. i do not blame timing - perfect time only happens in movies and i believe people make their own timing. i just happened to be in this situation at this appropriate time and place. what happened next were all my doing - i am a grown man capable of making my own decision.

how do i come to be in this mess? a lot of factors come into play. and people. and events. but the bottomline here is, i don't want to be here anymore and i want to pick up the pieces of my life and focus on things that matter. there are things i need to let go of, people i need to get in contact with, people i need to lessen my attachment to. sounds like a good plan. i just need to begin another journey. and take off from the path i'd been trudging on. it's time i look for different avenues and find one which make my life more meaningful.