when i sleep

i find respite when i sleep… it gives me a sense of relief as i ran away from my problems and my heartache… last night, i dreamt about you again… it was a nice dream, it was happy but i got awakened, i hope i didn’t though… i have tried not to think about you over the past days but i guess i wasn’t trying hard enough… better luck again today as i try not to miss you… you said i’ll be okay, that i would easily forget you but i still find that hard to believe. so i write hir again, try to pour out my emotions here because i cant talk to anyone, especially those who know me personally…  hahays! why is it that come out this way.. 

bakit ba 

dear.. masyado ka na yatang nagpapa-miss, aba naman...


chat nga tayo kanina, pero mas lumala ang pagka-miss ko sayo.. 

kahit palagi kang nasa isip ko, palagi pa din kitang nami-miss

 

i just got home drunk.. with my friends.. and pike.. got probs. with his wifey, he just told me about what happen between his and her wife.. and i text dear'angel coz he told me that dear know everything... but still got no reply on her..its ok.. i know pike well.. i told pike if he make joke on me.. im sorry nalang.. till now im still thinking to myself if "kakagat ba ako sa trip ni pike" hahays.. :( well.. go on.. wala nman mawawala sa akin.. :D atleast im here for him.. basta tropa.. go ako.. :D

closure? i have to find it my own way... i am not empty, i am just trying to figure out what is missing... another week has passed by, but there will be more weeks to come... i find myself changed because of you... each day means more to me than you know... its painful knowing that as each day passes, it would mean another day far away from you... how can i find myself wishing to be with you everyday, holding your hands, resting my head on your arms. i guess i am still holding on to memories. hoping that somehow our past could have made more sense... i cannot be with you, but i wish i could be... i could not speak to you, i only have these words written... soon enough they would just be a reminder of the person you have become to me... i pray to God that i could be a better person everyday... learning how to move on... i don't have a story to tell, i don't have a reason to justify these feelings, but i do feel them...

in lyf i loved you dear'ly, 

in my heart you hold a place, no one could ever fill

sleep all day.. tired of lastnight's trip.. went to school.. drink with pinky.. (T5 Leftover..) eat bread with mayonnaise and made my stomach ache.. (xhet na palaman..) and went to wet market eat halang-halang.. (with chery'l,pinky, eric and jenny) and drink again RH @ bistro and after.. chery'l bought 2 "the bar" go to their house play cards.. drink again.. pulutan with small dried fish.. hahaha.. after of it sleep @ past 4 in the morning.. wake up @ 5:30.. go home.. sleep again.. wake up @ lunch.. eat.. den sleep again.. dream of her.. wake up @ 6.. hahays.. buti nalang nakagising pa.. hahahaha..

you don't know how much i miss you or how much i really care... 

your like a dream, 

i open my eyes 

to find that your not there 

i wish that i could meet you 

to see how much fun you are 

so that you could hold me 

but your destination is too far 

i wish that i could touch you... 

and i want you to touch me too... 

my heart is crying out for you 

what am i to do? 

i miss your friendly presence 

you've got me thinking. 'damn!' 

you don't know how much i want you 

but you're no where near i am...

mishua dear'koh


P.S.
patingin mo mata mo sa eye specialist
Will you..

kainis... 44 days after break-up im still longing for her and I MISS HER SO MUCH.. Grr... blogy, do you know how much i have to force myself how hard it is to hide all of the truth inside my heart, that i love her so much but i cannot say it out loud coz i was afraid she wont feel the same way that i do... she make me feel something i cant describe dont she realize what she is to me, and what she's always going to be? i know that life would be so much easier if i never talked to her, if i never saw her, if i never met her.. if i just forget about her and just moved on..but shes the only one that makes me happy,whether its right or wrong. i dont know why or how but thats how i feel.i just don't have the strength to move on.. 

im sorry for each time i have hurt you
im sorry for every upset moments i caused
im sorry for for the things i have said and done..

hahays..

mistakes do happen,and we have to bear with it as part of our lives. im saying this based on my own opinion..and based from what's happening.a lot of people dreamed of a"Perfect" relationship but it just ended into a fantasy.. yes,it is a mere fantasy..since,there is no perfect relationship.. if ones sees the ugly side the other person has and had experienced getting hurt by the person you love. do not ever stick to that matter just because it appeared nor mark it with tremendous hate. i do believe that all of us have this imperfection in ourselves it is not even good to look so much for the mistake that your lover did to you even though it's not that heavy. a guy apologizes for what he did, for the misunderstandings that happened and feel very sorry for that thoughts of breaking up the relationship or finding another guy JUST because of that little misunderstanding is NOT AN ANSWER..nor a way to be happy. By doing so, it would just create intense sadness and another lonely world for that guy. He just can't take it.

IM SORRY...

IM SORRY!!!

napaisip lang..

the less we talk of bad experiences,the less it hurt..its not true that when think we are alone,we really are,sometimes we just don't mind those people who's by our side just because we feel so pathetic all along we thought we need space but the truth is we need those people who can explain everything to us in a brilliant way... hahays..

you can't forget a person you love so much.. that no matter how much you try to do it...

It's impossible,

Unless, you learn to love somebody else..

honestly, i will not give up on her.. 

NO MATTER HOW IT TAKES!!!

maybe she's thinking its just a sayin..

pero i stand on my decision,

unless if she's happy with somebody else..

they say that when a person comes back to our lives hold on and don't let go, consider yourself lucky because you are given a second chance. true enough not everyone is given a second chance, but what if you are given that second chance and yet again you still end up losing her... you have tried your best to be the best person you could yet you feel empty...You still cannot have her wholly... i just feel so stupid right now...

cguro sa kabilang parte ng mundo may nakalaan na para akin...

hay naku dear.. nasira na yata ang ulo ko, kaiisip ko sa 'yo

kahit saan tumingin ay mukha mo ang nakikita ko!

ako'y nahihirapan uy! wala namang ganyanan!
pakiramdam ko ngayon ako ay nagmumukhang gago!
ngayon ako'y nagsisisi kung bakit ako nag "I love you"!

one question!!!

anong kailangan kong gawin upang seryosohin mo ang
aking sinasabi tungkol sa pag- ibig ko sa 'yo?
maniwala ka sana, minamahal kita!

Sometimes we let go of someone, not because we don't love that person...

but to be able to hold that person tighter for the next time

if there is.. hurrmm.. 

sweeter the second time around?

o really? hahaha..

bakit pa kasi tinamaan pa ako ng lintik!!!

ngaun lang ako nagkakaganito, dati rati let go of person i dont give a damn.. go ON.. hiwalay kung hiwalay.. pero ngaun.. Grrr...

she's different..

experience is the best teacher... now i know something how love goes..hehe..

how i wish i have the guts to let her go also..

just like what she did.. letting me go..

 gud morning grengelle.. 

6th monthsary sana namin ngaun.. every 10th of the month

but it seems like its just an another ordinary day.. wala na kasi kami..

 

nothing special..

ang gulo talaga ng isip ko ngayon, pero kahit ganun pa, alam ko sa susunod na mga araw, magbabalik ulit ako sa dati. At alam ko yun…Alam ko. ang tanong.. kailan??

  

at sa huling pagkakataon dear, kahit ngayon na lang- nais kong malaman mong MAHAL KITA..

 

im sleepy.. just got home from CDeO.. party all night with brod's. and sis's.

.   

wake up @ 4 a.m. in the morning, go to airport..

sundo kai ate at pamangkin.. kaya eto, over'hang! hahaha.. 

buti nalang nka-gising pa ng maaga..

kung hindi, lagot!!!

      

Rain

hahays.. ulan na naman.. hurrmmmm.. katulad ng ulan sa tag-araw, u came into my life. Pagod na pagod na ang puso ko noon at sinabi ko nang ayaw ko na magmahal at magtiwala uli. lahat ng kulay sa paligid ko ay nabawasan na ng tingkad dala ng mahabang tag-init. pati ang puso ko ay nawawalan na ng lakas... pero dahil katulad ka ng ulan, hindi ko napigilan ang iyong pagdating. hindi ko magawang harangin ang mga patak mo hanggang sa tuluyan akong nabasa. sa simula ay galit na galit ako sa'yo. masaya naman na sana ako kahit pa napakahaba na ng tag-araw. okay lang ako. tanggap ko nang wala nang sigla ang buhay ko. ngunit sa bawat patak ng ulan ay unti-unting humuhupa ang galit ko. unti-unting nababawasan ang pagod ko hanggang sa tuluyan na akong sumuko. pinili kong pumikit na lang at hintayin kung kailan titila ang bawat patak mo.. (To be Continue..) hope umulan uli bukas.. hahaha..


pagmulat ko, nasa harap na kita. tulad ng ulan, kusa kang dumating. hindi kita hinanap o hinintay tila lahat ng kulay sa paligid ko ay muling tumingkad, muling gumanda nang dahil sa'yo. sa pagdating ng ulan ay tila nahugasan nito ang bawat lungkot at pait."huwag ka nang malungkot. nandito na ako," sabi mo. may magagawa pa ba ako? kahit naman ipagtabuyan kita ay babalik at babalik ka rin. Katulad ng ulan sa tag-araw. tuluy-tuloy lang sa pagpatak hanggang lumambot ang tigang na lupa. hindi ko alam kung paano nangyari pero ang pag-asang matagal ko nang ibinaon sa limot kasabay ng mapait kong nakaraan ay tila muling nabuhay. At muli akong umasa na may isang magandang bukas na naghihintay kasama ka…aking ulan. END... (tinapos ko nah, para di kayo mabitin sa pagbasa)
LOL!!!! hahaha...

I MISS YOU but I don't wanna assume that you feel the same way too

what can i say? ive lost you again you made your decision and put "us" to an end, what i didnt expect had come so fast i guess we were different cause i thought it would last... what made me happy was to see you smile and now that you're gone it will take me a while, though you're not mine i still strive to see your face... God it's hard to believe it seems so out of place i thought that I knew youm i thought you were right but you changed my opinion in one single night to say im not sad well it's all a big lie, coz when you see me happy im really wanting to cry... im sure that you're glad now that you're free no more holding you back just coz of me you just wanna be friends... i guess that'l have to do but please never forget i will always love you...

i just read it..

"masakit magmahal ng lubos sa isang taong hindi ka nmn kayang mahalin, pero mas masakit magmahal ng isang taong pagkatapos mo matutunang mahalin .. iba ang pipiliin."


 bitter 

There are moments in life when you miss someone

so much that you just want to pick them from

your dreams and hug them for real!

      

A sad thing in life is that sometimes you meet someone who means a lot to you......

only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be

and you just have to let go.....


and it really wont be easy to forget yesterday.. 


ang bigat ng feeling ko.....    

kainis talaga... para kong tanga....

Heart vs Mind

----------------------------


If we would let our hearts rule our actions, would we be so impulsive? Of course, we would do anything whatever our hearts desire. But if we would let our minds control our behavior, would we be happy because we would tend to rationalize everything? Most of the times reasons and emotions are not on the same side. Would we do what we feel or follow what we think? Kaya ang buhay minsan ay very confusing. Di natin alam kung ano susundin, esp. when it comes to our love life.

Heart(napalundag): Dude ang crush ko!!! Papunta dito sa inupuan ko. Anong gagawin ko??? Nasaan na ba itong panyo ko. Okay ba hitsura ko?
Mind(nakaismid): Oi gago! Kelan ka ba matuto ha? As if papansinin ka naman ng gaga na yan.
Heart: Haayyyy...ang cute talaga niya!
Mind: Cute nga. Cute din 'yang boyfriend niya.
Heart(parang kinirot): Ba't na lang di kaya ako ang nobyo niya?
Mind: 'Wag ka nang mangarap na gising. Hala, balik sa pag-aaral mo. May exam pa mamaya.
Heart: Ba't ba lagi ka na lang epal, ha?
Mind: epal ba 'yang pinapaalalahanan lang kita. Nangangarap ka sa taong di ka naman kilala. Dude, remember what happened in the past?
Heart: You're always against me. Alam mo ba kung ano ang ginagawa natin kay Self? Kaya hayun tuloy. Na-confused siya lagi. Dahil ikaw, lagi kang kontrabida...
Mind: Ako pa ngayon ang kontrabida?!? Ako nga lang itong nagpaalala. Baka naman gusto ni Self na luluha ulit? Anong nangyari doon sa previous crush n'yo? Di ba ginawa ka lang na gago?
Heart: Sobra ka talaga. But hindi ka na lang maging masaya para kay Self ha? Puro na lang kung anu-ano iniisip mo. Di ba sinunod naman ni Self 'yong payo mo two years ago. Anong nangyari din? Hayun, pinakawalan ni Self ang taong pinakamamahal niya.

Oftentimes, we don't know what choices to make kung conflicting ang ating pag-iisip at pakiramdam. For example, if you have to make a choice between the following and you have to choose one & only one, what would it be?

Who would you rather be with?
a. be with someone you love who doesn't love you back; or
b. be with someone who loves you but whom you doesn't love

Love is also making decisions. Who to keep, when to let go, when to fight. The choice we make may not keep us happy, but we know that somehow it is the right thing to do. And sometimes that in itself is enough.

i don’t know what came to my mind and came up with this. i just suddenly realized that i really need to move on… …after writing this down. before starting it all, i just wanted to say thank you… i had enough memories with you since the day we met. thanks a million times for all the things you’ve done and gave to me… from your fond hellos, corny jokes, sweet smile, tight hugs and sweet kiss. maybe, if you’ll just remembered… it all started from introducing each other’s self. nagkakilala tayo last year through my friend. nakakatuwa nga eh… simula non, i realized nag-eexist ka pala sa mundo.. you’ve been a good friend to me. marami kang nakwento sa akin, you’ve been open to say what you feel to that person. naaalala ko pa dati, a week after natin magkakilala sumabay ka na sa amin ng friend ko mag-toma.. tuwing lunch, or vacant time mo, pati na rin dismissal… tambay ka na sa baraks todo ka makasama sa amin. akala ko nag-fifeeling close ka sa amin, pero hindi pala. both of us somehow became ‘close’… i felt this strange feeling pero hindi ko pinansin yung feeling na yon kasi alam ko na your committed to someone. masyado tayong naging close, up to the point na nasabi ko na sa talaga sa sarili ko na i really love you more than you ever know… that i cared for you pero hindi ko na pinahalata sayo kasi baka mag-iba ang tingin mo. i kept it inside of me… kaya kung tutuusin, you’re really a big factor in my world… you’re my everything… that i cherish every moment we’re together. but everything changed simula ng dumating ang problema… na naging tayo.. kung alam mo lang kung gaano ako naging kalungkot sa mga oras na kailangan kita. i felt so incomplete kasi yung kulang sa buhay ko, wala. i became a prisoner in my own feelings. sabi ko nga, sana mawala na lang akong bigla sa mundo para malaman ko kung sino pa ako sa buhay mo. i want to give up, but i still hold on… coz i know you’ll keep your promise true. pero nagkamali ako.. and now ikaw na mismo ang nagsabi na i have to move on.. i will try to move-on starting today, kahit masakit. pero hindi ko sinabi sa sarili ko na iiwan kita. if i would do leave you, it would be the hardest thing to do. hinding hindi ko yon magagawa, kahit na iwan mo pa ako… nandito pa rin ako. nalaman ko sa sarili ko na baka hindi mo na talaga ako kailangan sa buhay mo… …hindi ko alam, baka pinagsisiksikan ko na lang pala yung sarili ko. i realized i’d loved you enough, or more than enough. minsan naisip ko na masyado na kitang nasasakal sa lahat ng mga ginagawa ko, kaya masakit man sa akin… i need to let you go and set you free...  and i’ve decided that this time to move-on. i will focused on some things that i think more important to worry about. ngayon, hindi ko na alam kung ano nang gagawin ko… now you’ve already said goodbye and i have to move on nah. all I know is to forget the strange feeling i felt for you before, but not the friendship that bind us together. maalala ko yung ibig sabihin ng ‘second chance’. kung alam mo lang, i burst out of tears, but i need to be strong. i know, life do change… but memories don’t. 


parang mahaba na maxado to ah.. Censya nah! 

you can always close your eyes 

sa mga things you don't want to see.

pero you cant close your heart

to the things you don't want to feel.

well you are right dear!!! i could never find another girl like you... thats why nagkakaganito ako.. i could never give you up, im lost witout you as my guide...

but one thing you made me realize.. im nothing!!!

without you... 

ako pa ba kaya ang nasa puso nya?

chat with dear tonight, just to make me feel fine..

and i feel much better.. thanks to facebook.. hahahaha..

mahal kita, you know that. i needed you and  wanted you in my life. you had been a biggest part of me and earned a special place in my heart, and i know you will be occupying a space in my memory. pinatawa mo ako and pinatawa den kita, i guess.. pero ngaun things have changed. time passed and the events were not ours to control. cguro truly, fairy tales have their endings, and even the most beautiful days facing the sunset. 

   

        

g r e n g e l l e

d ko alam ano gagawin ko... grrrr... natatakot! nalulungkot! hahays...